Adolescence in Expiration by Matthew Lee Bain

In gutting my once-anthropomorphized stuffed animals, I divined (within downy entrails) the expiration of adolescence; hides were hung over glossy effigies.

At 16: The holocaust of plastic action figures — rivulets of tan and green; toy flesh swirled, smiles dissolved into amorphous puddles. Those beau ideals — perfect human symmetries, melted, to reveal hollow limbs beneath block biceps. Heads were kept as souvenirs of this dying child.

Once a playful child and explorer in awe of insects — their spectrum of color, their graceful movements, complicated symmetry — then an empiricist and executioner, stuffing them into a killing jar; entomological acquisitions. You could hear them inside, scurrying, legs and mandibles quivering in horrid anticipation. Then they were impaled inside my shadow box — a coffin with a transparent lid — on stainless steel needles.

Superman, Spiderman, Green Lantern...Christs in comic bibles. "Where are my heroes now?" I cut them from their comics and crucified them — saviors that failed; all saviors fail.

Childhood pets succumb to old age, unable to control their bowels, unable to walk without limping, unable to be anything but moribund. Euthanasia brings no comfort to me. "He didn’t feel a thing," the vet said as my geriatric canine/long-time companion was given the animal equivalent of a death row lethal injection.

"But I felt it, doctor, I felt it...don’t worry dad, the pain is numbing all ready, everything’s...numbing."

At the bottom of rotting youth, I found the soulless shell of adulthood and crawled in. Now I’m just a stinking slug dragging my helicoid onus around on my back.

Exp. Date: September ?, 1992

 

Matthew Lee Bain: I am twenty-six autumns old. My avocations include the study of psychology, German (language and culture), and philology. In my free time, I enjoy strength training, viewing avant-garde cinema, and rolling around on the floor while screaming in agony. My vocations include writing fiction and poetry; I'm a freelance daydreamer of dark fantasies.